Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Optimism Bias

A recent blogpost from Unawoken spoke about middle-aged people with optimism biases. At the time I didn’t think much of it because the person in question believed that if one believes in something, he/she could do anything. Obviously, I thought this person was way out there and let it go.


But it later occurred to me that an optimism bias is important. Having a personality like mine where I oscillate between cup-half-empty to cup-half-full (mostly the former), I am in favour of, even a forced, an optimism bias. An optimistic outlook on life is simply necessary to be able to cope with life, to get one out of bed, go about their business. Without it, everyday becomes a burden. Optimism bias helps in other ways as well. I’ve seen enough evidence where a propitious outlook on ones own abilities and advertising it unabashedly gets people ahead in their careers. An optimistic person is more inclined to reach out to people and have more friends and do things with them. Simply put, optimism sells.


Negative emotions or outlook, on the other hand, keeps a person from doing things, awkward in social situations, shunned by people, lonely, unhappy. They may be the most realistic people around and may see the world as it really is and may call a spade a spade. But, most people don’t want to hear them or hang around them.


The downside of optimism bias is that one can take it a little too far. It might make people set unrealistic goals. It might make one expect too much from themselves, their friends and relationships and when those expectations aren’t met, they might come crashing down.


It is a fine balance to keep an optimistic outlook that is rooted in reality but not bogged down by reality. Who said life was easy?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Goals

"I'm sorry you feel bad about not meeting your goals-- what I would suggest is that you begin meeting your goals, in order to feel better." - Random Quote by someone.

What's missing here is 'the setting of goals' itself. I often find myself setting random goals or not setting them at all because I get confused by all the choices available to me. If I do this, I can't do this other thing but if I do this other thing then there's this third and the first thing I'll need to reconsider etc.. etc..sort of like a dog chasing it's own stupid tail and going in circles! How do people deal with this question anyway? I'm definitely not one of those people who are driven by a passion for a certain thing. I have to search long and hard for it.

After trying for years, I've decided to not have any substantial, meaningful goals at all and see how far I can take this goal-less state. I do have short term, easy to meet goals set for now like the triathlon and it seems to be working as far as keeping me fairly happy. But I know I'll need to pursue this question of meaningful, satisfying, long term goals at some point. Postponement is the easiest strategy to follow for now, it seems.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Words to live by

Mein Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya
Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein Udata Chala Gaya

Barbadiyon Ka Shok Manana Fizul Tha
Barbadiyon Ka Jashan Manata Chala Gaya
Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein Uda…

Jo Mil Gaya Usi Ko Muqaddar Samajh Liya
Jo Kho Gaya Maein Usko Bhulata Chala Gaya
Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein Uda…

Gham Aur Khushi Mein Farq Na Mehsoos Ho Jahan
Maein Dil Ko Us Muqaam Pe Laata Chala Gaya
Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein Uda…

Monday, April 13, 2009

Catherine's Choice

To Plan A Death With Dignity

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=102923424

This story reminded me of the book "Tuesdays with Morrie", a quick read about life and death.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Choice

What will it be? Do you choose stability and comfort or adventure and uncertainty? Do you choose the known or the unknown? Do you choose companionship or possible loneliness? What can you live with long term? Are you strong enough to live with your choices and not despair for what could have been? What price are you willing to pay?

Will it be the red pill or the blue, Anne? Time is running out.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

- Janis Joplin

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

More on Beijing

I had heard bad reviews about Beijing subway while I was in Taipei but I found it to be very well planned and maintained. I managed to get to pretty much everywhere I wanted to go using the subway. Each one way trip cost only 2 Yuan no matter the destination. There were frequent trains, even though it could get very crowded during commute hours, it’s not that bad. It’s clean and very easy to use and has English signs. Besides, the traffic above ground can be quite horrendous so its way quicker with the subway. I highly recommend them. An interesting thing I found, they have digital displays in the tunnels between stations even though you cannot read them when the train’s going very fast!
I found Beijing to be fairly clean even in the hutongs. Their monuments and tourist sights are also kept quite clean. One major vice among many Chinese I found was spitting in public areas which typically included a very noisy clearing of the throat! Older and middle aged people are typical culprits. I saw a very nicely dressed woman in a skirt and knee high boots doing it! Of course, coming from India, this is not an unfamiliar sight for me.
Switching gears, Beijing is a shopper’s heaven! Especially if you want Chinese silks, pearls, jade and other traditional items, there are quite a few venues here. They also have fake namebrand bags, watches, shoes and leather boots by the piles here. The Yashow market, the silk street market, Qianmen Dashilar market etc.. I ended up visiting the Silk Street market a total of 6 times! I wanted to get some Chinese clothes made which required me to visit, to choose and measure, to get fitted, to pick up the dress and so on. By the way, I have to put in good word for the Chinese tailors. They are the best in the world! Compared to the Indian dress makers that give you soooo much hassle and then end up screwing up, these guys were great! I’m absolutely impressed by the attention to detail and perfection of stitching!
Did I already mention that you can find pearls and jades by sackfuls here? And it is also quite cheap. They may be cultured pearls but they are real pearls. There are many shades, white, black, purplish black, greenish black, different shades of pink and so on. These markets where you buy all these goods are quite a scene. Almost all the sales people are women and you have to bargain with them. My Chinese friend’s recommendation was to start at 20% of the asking price.
The bargaining, if you’re not used to it, can be quite tough. I was quite embarrassed about it in the beginning but then you get the hang of it. Especially when you realize you can actually get away with paying about 25% of the asking price, you’d be crazy not to bargain. I actually started enjoying the drama these girls put up and the dialogs with them. “I like u, I give u spaashal price!”, “whey u from?”, “u so beautiful, theyfo, I give u spaashal price”, “Lady! U crazy!”, “come in here, I don wan others to see what low price I give you”, “you tell me yo last price la”.. etc. Almost every shop carries the same stuff and there are tons of them. But, even though I typically don’t like the touristy shopping experience, this turned out to be quite a fun one.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Jan 20th, 2009

On my usual walk back home today, at 8:30 in the night, I had a sudden and fleeting realization that I’m actually not unhappy as I thought myself to be for the longest time. In fact, I am content, not overwhelmingly happy but not unhappy either. I am a woman who doesn’t know what tomorrow will bring. This uncertainty is usually daunting to most people. But I realized that, to me, if I can let go, it could be actually exciting to not know what tomorrow is like. When one is married, there’s a sense of inevitability and resignation . I’m not saying that it is anything bad but, perhaps, if I just let my natural instincts lead me, I will actually welcome the uncertainty this freedom brings.

I’ve worked so hard over the past 16 years to be a responsible, sensible, routine oriented person that I have forgotten how I was in my teen years. I was a headstong, fun loving, risk taking, carefree soul in those days. I don’t think my teen self was any better but I realize now that the conforming person I’ve become now has not made me a happier person. I do realize that one cannot live his or her life as crazy as a teenager but as we get older, I wonder if we do lose ourselves completely to try and be a responsible adult. Do we forget to have fun along the way? Do we forget to expect more out of life?

I do hope that tomorrow I’ll be able to look back at today and remember to accept life as it comes and not get depressed thinking about the past or worrying about the future. I want to remember how it felt to be just enjoying the cold breeze on my face when I walked home and to remember to enjoy whatever the moment I’d be in at that moment. I want to remember that sense of freedom, but, most importantly, I want to remember the sense of freedom from expecting anything from another human being while at the same time being able to welcome and enjoy whatever the other person has to offer in terms of friendship and love. I hope I have the capacity to be happy without having to depend on others.